Find the fuel for your fire

As I’ve been preparing to step into the next chapter in my life, I’ve been looking back and reflecting on what I’ve done to get to where I am now. You don’t really think about it all that much when you’re just going about your day, but when you compare the way you are to the way you used to be, taking the time to seriously consider it, it’s surprisingly easy to notice the changes you’ve undergone.

For me, I’ve become a lot more relaxed, which can be good and bad. I love school. I love learning and challenging myself and when I was little I never wanted to miss a day. I could be melting from the inside, but I’d still try to go to school because it was my favorite place to be. Not really the case now. I still love school, but I love sleep more now and school’s too early to balance those passions out. Senior year I missed so many days just because I didn’t feel like getting out of bed and putting pants on, and looking bad I feel really bad about that. I prided myself in being a straight A student until high school where I got my first B and even a (shiver) C. That C would’ve given me an aneuryism when I was younger, but it doesn’t stress me out as much now.

I’ve also gotten better at talking to people. This is probably partially due to the relaxing part, but over the past few years I’ve accepted my characteristics and tried to focus more on being myself rather than who everyone else wants or expects me to be. I’m still by far one of the most awkward people I know, but at least now I can hold a semi-decent conversation with someone I hardly talk to. For me, that’s major progress.

I’ve changed a lot over the years, and I can say I’m pretty decently happy with who I’ve become. Yeah, there’s still some things about myself that I’d love to change. A lot, actually. I wish I didn’t have that habit, I wish I’d had this one earlier, maybe things would’ve been different. It’s scary to think that I’m still this young and I’m already having regrets. Yeesh. But hey, regrets have their ups and downs. They aren’t fun, but they’re kind of essential to the human experience.

Throughout your life you are constantly changing, and regrets are partially responsible for that. While you’re alive, you’re constantly taking in what’s happening around you, what’s happening to you, and evolving and adapting as a result. However, you have to be open to the change, and regrets can help. If you miss out on an adventure, you bet you’re not going to miss out on it the next time. If you do something to let that girl slip away, there’s no way you’re going to make the same mistake again.

Regrets sure as heck aren’t fun and they can definitely can bog you down, but you should try not to let them. Use them as fuel, as motivation to change yourself for the better and accomplish what you regret you didn’t do before. You’ll have less in the future if you take advantage of them now and act on them.

For me, I regret not being more social and having more fun in high school. I mostly focused on school, and that’s good because it’ll help me later in life, but it could be lonely and boring a lot of the time. To fix it, I’m going to focus extra hard on finding a good balance between friends and school while I’m in college. I want to talk to more people and be more outgoing so I can work on my terrible people skills. I regret not being more active and focused on my health, so that’s going to become a priority for me now. I’m going to take all these things I feel bad about and use them to fix myself so I won’t feel that way anymore. Fuel. It’s all about the fuel for the change.

Find your fuel and use it. You can make it work.

~Sara

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About somewhatsara

Hello, internet friends! My name is Sara and I am a college freshman. Books are my best friends and my computer is the reason I don’t go outside. I am majoring in English and double minoring in Writing and Game Studies and Design, so maybe you’ll be playing one of my games someday. I never go anywhere without some type of music and I draw when I’m bored, although not very well.

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