As graduation continues to barrel towards me at an unbelievable speed, I have started to realize how truly scared I am. I’ve been calm and collected most of the year, easily able to put it out of my mind, but all the last minute scholarship applications and campus tours are really starting to make things sink in.
I’m not really worried about the big bad college work that seems to be the bane of every student’s existence. That’s just school. I can totally handle school. I’m more concerned with the fact that my whole environment and lifestyle is about to change. I mean, that’s completely terrifying to me.
I’ve led a relatively quiet teenage life. I never got my license, so my mom had to drive me everywhere (no late nights and sneaking in for me), my sister was my best friend and we never left each other’s side (goodbye, love life!), and I never once stepped foot into a party. Square, I know. Going to college is going to rip that comfortable carpet right out from under me. All of my friends are going to different schools, I’ll be hours away from my sister, and I have a multitude of goals I could completely fail at.
If I were a novel heroine, this would be the part where I realize that there’s been a social butterfly inside of me all along and I would strut onto campus without worrying about all the things that could go horribly wrong. I’d overcome my awkward shyness, develop a close-knit group of friends, and probably pick up a love interest or two along the way.
Too bad I’m not a heroine.
Not in the conventional sense, anyway. I’m my own woman, my life is an adventure, yada yada yada. I get that. I accept that. I completely love that. It still doesn’t stop me from being scared about the future, though.
I should find a calming mantra. Something catchy and quick, a real fear breaker. Yeah, I should do that.